Goodbye Dear Xanga,

We have had a great run together from 2003 until now with all my random different accounts. I will miss you dearly but have decided to move on and embrace change in the form of tumblr. I will now proceed to "private" past entries on xanga and the actual sites.. and even delete them entirely after I have archived all my blogs.

starific

I'm at the point of my life where I need to grow the fuck up and take over more responsibilities. I promised myself that once I turned 21 I would search for the truth in myself mentally and physically..

18 was the year I found out I had the genes to have cancer, specifically colon (but includes breast, kidney, liver).  Ever since then my parents wanted me to get checked, a colonoscopy.  I still haven't gotten one and don't really feel the need to find out if I have cancer, survival of the fittest right?

19 was the year I found out that I have heart problems. I have an abnormal heart beat and went through x-rays and some tests for that. Never really asked for the results.... & I guess I have to find out.

20 was the year I found out I need to get my ovaries checked. I have a very abnormal menustration cycle.. I had it for 7-10 days every 4 months (with the coming of every season). . . & of course I haven't checked them out.

21 is suppose to be the year I find the truth out physically about the health of my body. I have yet to begin checking.. but I know I should soon. I just want to check out my ovaries, because one day I would love to have children of my own. Otherwise the first 2 problems I could care less for, remember survival of the fittest?

Mentally.. I dont think I can handle finding the truth about myself mentally....

I hate thinking about my future, especially my academic. I've realized that I'm not smart at all, just I dont know.... I'm  not up there with everyone academically/intellectually like I use to believe.

So right now is supposed to be my 4th year of college aka Senior year.
& well it isn't.....

I really dont know if I wanna still live here with my mom if my dad does leave to PI. I hope I find a job that would help me to sustain my own independent living so my mom can go and live w/ my sister in Alabama to watch her grand-children grow up. 

It's funny because I was suppose to go live with M.May last year, well that was the plan anyway. So she would be able to work day shift & the children would have someone with them. With that I would work at night and/or go to school as a pharm tech.  I was looking into schools of pharmacy and even thinking of going into that field so I can go to school at the capital.

Now I have no freaking clue what I want to do.... I'm sitting here on my ass while I should be out working to pay off my debts and help with bills again. But I've resorted to accepting the situation as is and not seeing it as a challenge to overcome. I'm not going to lie, I am one lazy person but I do realize the repercussions of my decisions on myself and the effects on others. I am not blind.

Phlebotomy classes in June hopefully. I am still trying to figure out how I'll come up w/ funds to go, there should be loans that could be used for it right? Hopefully. I want to start in June be done and have a job in July... so I can work 5 days a week in the mornings then go class during the afternoon or night.  That way I can have free weekends which is what I really want.. hahah and help pay for bills and pay off my credit cards.

But what will I be going to school for? I am wayyyy behind let me tell ya.. OMG. & i'm the only one who knows it, but at the same time I dont think its anyone elses business because I am paying for my eduation myself. So I can do what I want with my school because I'm the one working for it.

So maybe I'll just stay in Child Development and work at childcare centers.. I dont know about the whole teaching thing anymore. I just need a good paying job. I dont  know what my passion is so I can't make it happen... I wish I knew my passion. I would be goal-oriented and not be swayed to look at other options.

Anyways:


Gymin' it!

DAY 18: FEB/09/2009
172 lbs
Running- 31 minutes/ 3 Laps
Sauna- 30 minutes
170.6 lbs

DAY 19: FEB/10/2009
173.4 lbs
Running-  40 minutes/ 5 Laps
173.2 lbs
Sauna- 20 minutes
170.4 lbs

DAY 20: FEB/17/2009
172.4 lbs
Elliptical-  20:18 minutes/ 175.4calories / 1.46 miles
Ab        -  40 reps @ 51 lbs
Ab Crunch - 15 reps @ 2 lbs
172.2 lbs
Sauna- 20 minutes
171.4 lbs

DAY 21: FEB/19/2009
173 lbs
Arc Trainer - 6:28 minutes/ 24 calories / ? miles
171.4 lbs
Sauna- 35 minutes
171.2 lbs

DAY 22: FEB/24/2009
173.2 lbs
Arc Trainer - 20 minutes/ 212 calories / 1.24 miles
Bicycle-  13 minutes/ 68 calories / 2.46 miles
10 Leg ups 5 right/left
173 lbs
Sauna- 30 minutes
173 lbs

Reflection
Stop drinking water in the sauna -____-'
Start replacing my Coca-Cola w/ Tea again (my face isn't as chubby now :] )
Arc Trainer is awesome!
STRETCH STRETCH STRETCH! (Leg injury -___-')
Start going 3+ days, Stop this 2-day nonsense!
Start portioning meals again!

It's like a day in Forks, minus all the beautiful green trees and the dazzling vampires.

^ my text message to my fellow twilight fans about the rainy weather in Socal. Oh Edward hahha

So I finished the book 4 "Breaking Dawn" and WOW!   Three books in one = Breaking Dawn.  I read it in about two days with all my distractions of homework, laundry, etc.  I can't believe that song = my song, AHHHH to the people who will now use it because of Twilight madness! AHHH to Bella's name too, UGH! Though I am utterly happy at the way Stephanie Meyer ended the saga, if she was to add another book to Bella's point of view it wouldn't fit. She isn't the best writer and explains some unnecessary things in detail but her story of Bella and Edward is beautiful.

I am hesitant in reading "Midnight Sun" because it is not the official book ( I would wait for it) but it is posted on Stephanie Meyer's site for all of us to read. I still can't believe someone would leak her partial draft of Midnight Sun. It makes me sad to know people would go far to exploit something so special. But I really don't know why she has to post it on her official website and let us read it, then say it's indefinite that she will publish "Midnight Sun." Ridiculous! I hear the draft is interesting especially since it's "Twilight" from Edward's perspective. I hope she continues it . . . even if she says in 2 years time, I even signed some petitions  -___-'

BTW... I have a poster of "Edward Cullen" smack-dab in the middle of my wall by my bed. It totally looks like a shrine because there's nothing else on that wall with it.  I really want to make my t-shirt and maybe get that Cullen crest locket at hot topic. I love lockets and Twilight, especially the Cullens, so it is perfect. I also want a tattoo that is Twilight related, it's pretty hilarious though -___-'

Two weeks have passed of classes of the Spring Semester. I finally got my online class that I've been emailing about, it took 2 weeks for the Professor to respond.  Though I decided on a different professor ^_^ So here's my Spring '09 classes: World History up to 1500s, Asian Philosophy, Psychology, and Physical Anthropology.  As you can tell there's going to be a lot of reading, which is fine but it will take away time that I would rather use to read books for pleasure.

My dad sent me an email for wishes and hopes for the New Year and like the usual it talked about Jesus and religion (a religion which im not to fond of). But it had some interesting goals like to gain more knowledge than the past year and read more books! Haha that made me laugh, the read books part, because it's a goal I gave myself personally. So far I've read more books than I did last year, since I believe I just read one book in 2008? hahah Lame I know -___-' But so far here's my book list:

1. Twilight
2. New moon
3. Eclipse
4. The Five People You Meet in Heaven
5. Breaking Dawn

I have books in mind that I want to read, I actually finally got a library card!!! So here's some books I want to read: Merchant of Venice, Catch-22 (Currently reading), Tuesdays with Morrie, Jane Eyre (I want to re-read), Catcher in the Rye, and I dont know. Im up for suggestions :]

Oh yeah I've been trying to keep up with my fitness too so here it is:

Gymin' it!

DAY 14: JAN/26/2009
171 lbs
Elliptical- 31 minutes/ 307.1 calories / 2.40 miles
Bicycle-  10 minutes/ 65 calories / 2.52 miles
170lbs
Sauna- 20 minutes
169lbs

DAY 15: JAN/27/2009
171lbs
Elliptical- 30:03 minutes/ 306.1 calories / 2.37 miles
Bicycle-  5:15 minutes/ 32calories / 1.92 miles
171.6lbs
Sauna- 10 minutes
169.6lbs

DAY 16: FEB/02/2009
171.6lbs
Bicycle-  5 minutes/ 34calories / 1.33 miles
Other- 20:01 minutes/ 239 calories / 115 miles
171.8lbs
Sauna- 15 minutes
172lbs

DAY 17: FEB/03/2009
171.4lbs
Elliptical- 20:17 minutes/ 204.1 calories / 1.58 miles
171.4lbs
Sauna- 30 minutes
171lbs


Very dissapointing past gym visits = 2 white chocolate & macademia nut cookies. Will now incorporate walks/jogs around the block to induce weight loss.


sidenote:
Pachelbel- Canon
Satie- Gymnopedie No1 & 3